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| What is the
quality of your relationship with your neighbor?
Is your neighbor someone you can talk with? Sometimes in neighbor-to-neighbor relationships, a conflict develops. Talking things out with someone is usually the best way to resolve problems that may arise between you. |
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Ways of handling the conflict that make things worse or that have no effect:
| -the conflict gets ignored or denied | |
| -the conflict gets blown out of proportion | |
| -blame for the conflict is placed on someone | |
| -you engage in struggles where one person wins and the other loses |
Ways of handling conflicts that make it better:
| -address the issue as soon as possible | |
| -have discussions when things have cooled down | |
| -attack the problem and not the person | |
| -hold all parties involved responsible for arriving at the solution to the problem | |
| -strive for solutions that have no losers |
Steps to take when you have a conflict with a neighbor:
Before you call the police, talk to your neighbor. Often neighbors are
unaware of the problem (for example their dog barks when they are not home)
or they may not realize the activity bothers someone else.
If the issue continues, bring it up again. Try to work together to come up with solutions that will work for both parties.
Talk to others to find out if they are also affected by the disturbance. The more people who are willing to address the issue the faster it will be resolved.
If you both live in rental units, remind them of the lease agreement or property rules if there are any. This will give them a chance to respond before the landlord becomes involved.
If there is a local ordinance that the neighbor is violating, get a copy and give it to the neighbor along with a letter asking them to follow the ordinance.
If you get no response from the neighbor then it is appropriate to call the authorities.
For more information about resolving neighbor conflicts call the
Community Support Program at 658-2704 ext 338.
Resolving Conflicts Between Neighbors
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Nancy Kirby lives on Colchester Avenue where she has struggled with
the rowdy parties of the students next door. When one group would
move out, another group would move in. “To them, we were the enemy.
They said to us that ‘if we didn’t like it, then we should move.
That this is a UVM neighborhood.’” Kirby reflects on her
interactions with former tenants of the neighboring house. “I grew
up in Burlington and they had no right to tell me to move.”
For Kirby and her family the situation became unbearable. She struggled with their noisy parties, and drunken behavior on her property. Because of her bad experiences in her past, she avoided interacting with the students for fear of being ridiculed. When she sought help from the landlord of the property, he failed to cooperate addressing the behavior problems of his tenants. Communication with both the students and their landlord broke down completely. |
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Brooke Hadwen, a professional mediator with CEDO and the Police Department, helps residents find agreeable outcomes to neighborhood conflicts. |
Brooke Hadwen of the City’s Community Support Program was called to help open communication with the landlord, the students, and Kirby. ”We had a round table discussion in my dining room. I could tell that the landlord was nervous coming into my home, but we all left feeling really good,” remembers Kirby.
Everyone got something out of the discussion and communication was opened. The students learned some of the neighborhood history and why Kirby was so reactive as well as to take responsibility for being a good neighbor. The landlord became more understanding about the parking problems and agreed to be more selective and informative with his tenants. Kirby got a much more pleasant neighborhood.
Out of this process, Kirby learned some lessons about the benefits of keeping communication open with the tenants and landlord , “I greet the students and get to know them. I tell them where to get a parking permit and other tips on living in the neighborhood respectfully. They really are appreciative.”
This year Kirby has a totally different relationship with her neighbors than in years past, ”we interact with each other and share information.” Now when the students next door are having a party they come and notify her, “They were having a long-john party and brought over a card with a picture of long-johns on it and their phone number. In turn, when I had a party for my daughter, I went over and told them about it.”
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